We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
