this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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