I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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