If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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