I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He had one of those small greek statue penises
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
