I'm drive I can fine osifer
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
