I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
