I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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