the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
