I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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