I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
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