I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
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