So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
