i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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