hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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