I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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