I could have mohawked her pubes.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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