Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
