I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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