Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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