we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
