Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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