I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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