This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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