i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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