after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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