The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
