she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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