We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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