I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
