I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We talked him into tasing himself.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
