I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
