he told me I talked like a deaf person
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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