All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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