I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
