My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
