Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
