I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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