Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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