i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
