Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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