i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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