the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
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