She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
