I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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