Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
