Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
actually, I'm a sock model
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm passing your future prison.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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