while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize