i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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