I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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