so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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