dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Are these your boobs on my camera?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
