butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
