Me too!
This girl is more easily done than said...
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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